On a fine summer's morning, the 10th of July, Cinderella woke up in a fine mood. Tonight she was to go to a military ball! The invitation had come some months before, giving her plenty of time to win her stepmother over to the idea. She woke up early and began doing her chores, singing and dancing as she worked, even going out of her way to do a few extra. She cleaned the house, she weeded, she baked and cooked and dusted and took out trash. Finally, she finished her list and was free to get ready. Then, disaster struck - there was no one to babysit that night (Cinderella's other job). Whatever to do? Rather than being a wicked stepmother, like the silly Grimms thought, Cinderella's stepmother gave her permission to attend the ball, taking the job in her stead. How grateful Cinderella was!
Cinderella curled her hair and did her makeup, prancing around the upstairs as she got ready. Her ballgown was a floor-length sheath of red, sparkling and shimmering in the light. I'm not sure where the Grimms came up with Fairy Godmother and a pumpkin carriage, because all Cinderella had were her stepfather and a red Honda. She was told to be back by midnight, was given a cell phone in case of trouble, and she headed off to pick up Prince Charming -- and charming he was! As she pulled up to the Prince's home, her face broke into a smile. What a handsome man he was! And how proud she was of him and his various accomplishments displayed on his uniform. He and some friends joined her in the Honda and they took off for the Ramstein AFB's Officer's Club (not quite a palace, Grimm Bro's, but close).
Once there, Cinderella was overwhelmed by the uniforms and names and faces as she was introduced to all of her prince's friends, acquaintances, and officers. She shook hands and smiled politely, staying close to her soldier for security. They went through the receiving line, where she met a good friend - who happens to be the wife of the prince's commander. They went and sat at a table crowded with his platoon, and waited for the ceremonies to begin.
Prayers and speeches were said before dinner, but after the food came the most memorable event - the Grog ceremony. The Brothers Grimm leave this out of their story, which surprises me, as they usually like to add gruesome details. The Grog ceremony is a time when the battalion's leaders each explain a piece of the unit's history, and to commemorate certain events add a great deal of a specific liquor into the Grog bowl. The commander begins, pouring in a bottle of Grog from the last ceremony. Copious amounts of other alcohol are poured in after each officer or NCO chugs a significant amount of the bottle themselves. Canadian whiskey was added for the War of 1812, Firewater for the Indian Wars, tequila for the Mexican-American, Southern Comfort for the Civil War, vodka for something Russian, beer for soldiers and Germany, you get the picture. However, other things go in, as well. A can of tank oil - turboshaft - is poured in, the blood of the tanks that keep the regiment rolling. Sand is also added (once from a tanker boot!) for the unit's involvement in Kuwait and Iraq, as is muddy water (to represent the Tigris and Euphrates). This is then stirred together, and the commander samples before everyone else. Lt.Col. Eifler drank three full glasses!! Once he pronounced it satisfactory, all the soldiers rush up to fill their glasses. The stuff is nasty...I (I mean, Cinderella) got close enough to smell it, and that was close enough!!
After the Grog, Cinderella and her prince went out on the dance floor, but didn't really dance much. Instead, one of Prince Charming's friends asked if he could have a dance with the lady and proceeded to whirl her around the floor in a stunningly agile salsa. They dipped and twirled and spun, and Cinderella focused mainly on how to stay on her feet! One would almost have thought she was the one who'd chugged an entire bottle of wine in 30 seconds and he the one who hadn't touched a drop.
To avoid turning into a pumpkin - the promised threat if she wasn't home by midnight - Cinderella left the ball in plenty of time. No pushing limits like the girl in the Grimms' telling. Rather than leaving behind a glass slipper, Cinderella took with her a glass, embellished with the unit crest, to remind her of the ball. On the way home, however, events conspired against her to make her late for the midnight deadline. It wasn't forgetfulness or being chased by a zealous prince but a wrong exit and an empty tank of gas. Despite these hinderances, Cinderella and her Prince did make it back home safe, and not too late, and enjoyed spending the rest of their night telling others how much fun they had at the ball!
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