Growing Up is Uncomfortable

So, seeing as there's really not all that much going on here, I decided I'd take a break from telling you about my day to day German life and talk about something else.

Who am I? Really. I have changed so much this year - and still am - that I hardly recognize myself anymore. I've become, in some ways, a totally different person than the girl I was when I left home, but I still carry around that old image as if it were still who I am, which causes some serious internal conflict when the contrasts collide. Sort of a conflict between who I was, or who I thought I was, who I really am now, who I think I am, and who I think I should be. I think part of this comes from being so isolated, I have too much time to spend with myself and think about me. I cannot tell you how wonderful it will be to come home to my friends! I really do have a lot of time for reflection, for introspection. I'm not always sure I like who I see. I'm not always sure the changes are good - and then I'm not always sure who I was before was as good, either, even though I was perfectly content to be that way. Part of me wishes to go back, part of me wishes to leap forward to who I can be, but most of me just wishes that who I am wasn't such an uncomfortable jumble of confusion about who that is.

Something Worth Mentioning

I just got my first kiss! From Flori, that is. He and Benni have been running into my room all night and running back out again, but just now they ran in, and Flori said, "Nacht, Nacht, Nacht Joua!" (pronounced Yo-wa, and "nacht" is "gute Nacht," which is goodnight) and then made little kissing noises, and gave me a good night kiss! And then Benni said, me too! I feel so loved by my boys. First kiss after 8 months!

For Daddy

Dad is complaining that I haven't blogged recently or often enough for him to enjoy living vicariously through my foreign living arrangements, so here I am! Not much of note has happened this last week or so, which is why I haven't had much to say. The weather yesterday was odd, though, because it was a good 10 degrees outside, the sun was shining, and I was able to go outside in short sleeves and drive with the windows down and use sunglasses. HOW FUN IS THAT? I tell you, I am so looking forward to being in Phoenix where it's warm and the sun shines. I know it's hot - miserably, unbearably hot at times - but it's better than being cold! The days are slowly starting to get a little longer here, which is exciting, too. And I saw my most colorful sunrise yet the other day!

So, there you see how exciting the week has been - a blog about the weather! hee hee I promise the next one will be more interesting, cause this weekend's gonna be fun. ;)

New Year's @ the Festaburg

Ah! I'm actually sad to be back, I had SO MUCH FUN the last 10 days, I cannot even describe it. As most of you know, Larissa was in Germany, working for the Ellgens at their hospitality house in Baumholder this month and I got to visit her. It was heaven. I got to spend 10 days with my bestest best friend, making new friends, and being AMERICAN.

There were two soldiers staying with Brad and Debbie almost the whole time, Rob and Brad, and Nellie came along at the end. Lots happened, and I have lots of pictures, and yet neither the words I write nor the pictures I show can capture this whole weekend. I laughed a lot more than I have in a long time, I was challenged in my thinking, I grew in my faith, I made new friends, I got to work, I got to stay up late and sleep in and use every hour of my day, I got to play, I got to sing and dance, I got to eat salsa(!), and most importantly: I got to spend time with my twin.

Since she was actually there as a missions trip and not just a visit, we got to do some work. We painted the apartment downstairs, which was fun, even though we had to do one ceiling twice. We got to cook, and helped clean up afterwards, too. Like Debbie said, I think we spent a great majority of our time preparing for a meal, eating a meal, or cleaning up after a meal. Yay food! I got to eat AMERICAN food!! Not a single boiled potato all week long! We had quesadillas, and chips and slasa, and Aunt Lauri's mexican soup, and American-style pizza, and fried chicken, and cornbread casserole, and just so much more. Debbie's an amazing cook. I felt very special, too, when I came down to lunch one day, and Rob had brought me Taco Bell from on post. Mmmmmmmm.

We had a couple misadventures. On my first whole day there (Friday), my eye decided to burn and turn red and swell up and be generally miserable, which was no fun. That was the worst misadventure. Another time, we were disposing of the Christmas tree (throwing it off the balcony to land 3 stories down was Brad's idea), and we discovered as it landed with a "crash, tinkle tinkle" that it was not fully undecorated. The worst - and only cause it was COLD - was when we came back from Trier with Laura and Nina to find ourselves locked out of the Festaburg. We told Laura and Nina they could leave us outside so they could drive home before the roads got too icy, or we'd have been sitting in their car forever. Not having Brad's cell number, we were stuck outside. Fortunately, Rob remembered that the furnace room outside is unlocked, so we crowded in there, because while not really warmer than outside, it blocked the wind, and so we huddled in among the ladders and old tools till Brad and Debbie came back.

New Year's was fun, we set off FIREWORKS! Not like sparklers and firecrackers, though we had those, but like real, light-them-and-run-far-away, shoot-up-way-high-in-the-air-and-go-boom FIREWORKS!! It was SO COOL!!! Even Larissa, who has always been petrified of fireworks, not only stayed outside, but launched one herself!

What else did we do...there were Bible studies on Friday nights, and Larissa and I babsyat. We took a day trip into Mainz and saw the Gutenberg Museum. We took a day trip into Trier with Laura and Nina. We took a walk up to the Frauenberg castle, and I got to sing! We took a long walk and talked about learning and reading and a great many other things after completing all the homework Brad gave us. We played a zillion card games and watched a hundred movies. We spent quality time with one another being relational. We went on a Volksmarch. We took many, many pictures and lots of videos. We laughed and we cried. We had so much fun, and it was so very, very hard for me to get in the Smart and drive away. Larissa I'll see in less than 5 months, but the soliders are about to go on deployment, and Brad and Debbie are still in Baumholder. I'd love to go back to this last Saturday and just freeze time right there. It was the best New Year's I've ever had, that's for sure. Thanks, all.