Growing Up is Uncomfortable

So, seeing as there's really not all that much going on here, I decided I'd take a break from telling you about my day to day German life and talk about something else.

Who am I? Really. I have changed so much this year - and still am - that I hardly recognize myself anymore. I've become, in some ways, a totally different person than the girl I was when I left home, but I still carry around that old image as if it were still who I am, which causes some serious internal conflict when the contrasts collide. Sort of a conflict between who I was, or who I thought I was, who I really am now, who I think I am, and who I think I should be. I think part of this comes from being so isolated, I have too much time to spend with myself and think about me. I cannot tell you how wonderful it will be to come home to my friends! I really do have a lot of time for reflection, for introspection. I'm not always sure I like who I see. I'm not always sure the changes are good - and then I'm not always sure who I was before was as good, either, even though I was perfectly content to be that way. Part of me wishes to go back, part of me wishes to leap forward to who I can be, but most of me just wishes that who I am wasn't such an uncomfortable jumble of confusion about who that is.